National Security 101

Here's the latest earthshaking news from Obamaville, AKA 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, AKA the White House.

Forget Iran's and North Korea's nuclear arms development, forget Osama Bin Laden and his merry band of suicide bombers, here's the latest threat to USA national security:

Childhood Obesity!! Good Golly Mrs. Michelle, thanks for the warning.  Michelle Obama stated in a press conference before president Obama signed the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act, that military officials stated that 25% of USA young people are too fat to join the military.  This makes obesity a risk to national security?  If fat folks want to join the military, put them in cook school and let them be around food all day.  They will probably get so sick of being around food all day they will probably lose weight and become eligible for other positions.  Our armed forces are overburdened with defense of not only the USA, but bearing the major burden of UN "peacekeeping missions" all over the world.  If we had "fat brigades" that provided humanitarian relief to disaster areas all over the world, maybe their exposure to the misery, suffering and hunger poor people suffer worldwide would curb their own food cravings.

I saw an article about all woman teams in the US Marine Corps.  They were called female engagement teams or FET for short. The USMC thought a FET could make more and faster progress with Afghan women than USMC guys could.  Maybe the Marines should start LEAT (lard arsed engagement teams).  Their mission would be to bond with their fellow fat folks and encourage them to give up killing each other.  This is just the 21st century version of the beat your swords into plowshares.  If people want to grow food, warfare becomes a hindrance and nuisance.  Maybe the love of corned beef and cabbage could help people tolerate their differences and work together for their common good.