How to kill 2 birds with no stones

During the recent Maersk Alabama piracy incident, I had a real brain storm. Since the US Government (AKA American taxpayers) is a major funder of the various and sundry plans to bail out/stimulate the economy, let's save them some money. Rather than set up this elaborate public private investment plan, let's cut out a few of the middle men/women and a few layers of regulatory bureaucracy all at once. Just take the absolute worst of the Legacy loans & securities (FKA toxic assets) & sell them off to the pirates (or their ransom victims) for ransom. The Somali pirates consider themselves voluntary coast guard to protect Somali waters from foreign fishing trawlers and toxic waste dumpers. Selling them legacy assets is not much of a reach beyond volunteer coast guardsmen. Remember, the pirates seized the Maersk Alabama, a loaded container ship which is not easily mistaken for a fishing trawler. The fact that the Maersk Alabama was carrying tons of food aid for Kenya, Mozambique and Somalia really makes the volunteer coast guard defense really indefensible. The millions of dollars received as ransom for seized ships speaks for itself.

President Obama should consider putting Bernie Madoff on a work release program to promote the idea to the Somalis. The possibilities are endless. Since the worst of these legacy assets are only suitable for extreme speculative investing or wrapping fish, the Somalis should get better use out of the assets than most nations or investors.